2008-09-06T03:59:25Z http://live4him.jeanwensink.com/atom.aspx Quick Blog tag:live4him.jeanwensink.com,2008-02-04:b86801d8-b204-4b95-a952-4030f8995a54 Jean Wensink 2008-02-04T22:34:19Z 2008-02-04T22:04:00Z
Now for the cancer update. Sit back and relax, because there's a lot to tell. At about the beginning of January I got CT scan results back and the news wasn't to good. The good news was that one of my tumors shrunk, due to the new drug Avastin that I started in November. I am continuing that drug in the hopes of getting it to shrink even more. The bad news is that the tumor in my liver grew 10 mm in just two months while being on chemo. We were very discouraged because now the tumor is over 52 mm (about the size of a tennis ball). My oncologist consulted with some radiologists about the possibility of surgery and cutting off the blood supply to the tumor. However, the procedure requires me to be off chemo for 3-4 weeks which gives all of the other "seeds" in my system to grow. Also, there probably isn't enough liver left to sustain me through chemo after the procedure.  So, I started a new chemo drug, Topotecan, about a month ago.  It is going well and I have a few side effects, but nothing major. Topotecan is the last drug in the arsenal again ovarian cancer that I haven't been on yet, so we are hoping and praying that it will work.  I will get another CT scan at the end of Feb. or March.  I also had one more setback. Just two weeks ago, I went to Milwaukee for a check-up with my Gyn/Oncologist. He found a new tumor that wasn't there three months ago. So, not only did my existing tumor grow larger, but another one popped up.  It is deep in my pelvic cavity and is just minding its own business. That is a great thing. We just never know when and where those nasty tumors will show up.

I am amazed and awed at how God has continually met our needs through this cancer journey. Not just mine, but also the needs of the rest of the family as well.  Just when the girls needed a lift, a good friend would call them or just hang out with them. They both have friends that they can confide in. Rog continues to be a big mush through all of this, but again has had friends to lift him up when he needs it. Our pastors have been very faithful in helping the girls and Rog cope with the changing and ongoing needs here on the home front. Our physical needs have been taken care of by the many meals that people have brought over. We even have plenty to put in the freezer for a rainy (or rather snowy) day.  Please pray for my family, that they can continue to be strong as we deal with an uncertain future. Also, pray that my liver will continue to function despite the strain of a tumor. God answers prayer, yet not always in the way we would expect or want. We continue to believe in miracles.  Each morning I wake up is proof that   "This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it." ]]> tag:live4him.jeanwensink.com,2007-12-29:9155cdef-8ec4-4847-a8e6-26508e188ce5 Jean Wensink 2007-12-29T08:59:05Z 2007-12-29T08:23:00Z     We got together with my side of the family on the weekend before Christmas at a hotel. It was lots of fun. Then everyone came over on Sun. for the Packers-Bears game. Since my older brother is a Bears fan, it was fun. He was very gracious about the Bears tromping us and didn't even rub it in too much. On Christmas Eve, after church, we gathered at Roger's parents' house for Christmas with his side of the family. Again, it was so great to be together, joking around, laughing and eating good food. We are blessed beyond measure. Christmas morning we went to church and then had the day with just our family. I put in a ham and potatoes and we had a yummy meal. Then we played games, watched videos, or just lazed around all afternoon. I really needed the down time after a few days of excitement. 
    On Wednesday I went back to reality and had treatment with just the Avastin. It doesn't give me many side effects, so I've had a pretty good week. We got the results of my CT scan that I had done right before Christmas. There is good news and bad news. First of all the good news- one of my tumors, the one on the left side of my abdomen, has shrunk quite a bit. We are glad for that because I was having some discomfort and some signs of partial bowel obstruction from it pushing down on my bowels. The bad news is that the tumor in my liver has grown about 10mm, which is a fair amount. So, even with the chemo and the Avastin it is stubborn enough to keep going. It is now almost the size of half my liver, so we need to do something before my liver starts to shut down. One treatment option is to put a catheter into my liver and shoot the chemo right into the tumor. The liver has two blood supplies, so we can cut off one and essentially kill off almost half of my liver.  The liver is the only organ that can regenerate, so that is lucky for me in this case. My Dr. needed some time to research the options and consult with a radiologist. We can call him later this week to find out more info, so I will keep you posted. At this time we just know that my treatment will change, but we don't know how yet. 
    I'm struggling with uncertainty again. I'm a planner, and now I just don't know again how things will go. I try not to dwell on the questions right now, but that's hard. I've gotten used to my chemo routine and it's predictability. There is a certain comfort in knowing what to expect. I know why cancer patients live in the moment, because the future is so uncertain. However, I know that my spiritual life is certain and predictable. I can rest assured and be at peace knowing my eternal future. No matter what's in store for me in the coming weeks, my Lord will never leave my side. He is with me everywhere- the chemo room, the hospital, at home. What a comfort that is! So, I guess I'd better get on with living today. I think I'll grab another cup of coffee and a few Christmas cookies before I tackle the laundry. ]]> tag:live4him.jeanwensink.com,2007-12-05:7addd861-8856-4b3f-ad15-c007db259baf Jean Wensink 2007-12-05T19:46:44Z 2007-12-05T19:27:00Z     I know I haven't updated my blog in a while, but really, I've been busy. I had chemo the week before Thanksgiving and I got really sick. I was basically down for a week. I did absolutely nothing, had a lot of pain and just getting out of bed was an effort. It was just too much for me so, my Dr. and I decided that I'll do the smaller doses each week, rather than get a big one again. So, I got chemo on Tues. (Dec. 4) and will continue for the next 2 weeks. I also get Avastin every other week, but I don't get side effects from that. That's a good thing. It looks like my week off will be during Christmas, so that turned out to be perfect timing.
    Last weekend we went up to MN to see Heidi sing in her Christmas concert. We went up there on Friday, so we missed the snow. Then we saw her on Sat. morning and she showed us around the campus, we ate lunch together. We went back to the hotel to nap and change clothes for the evening. We went back to the campus where they had a special Christmas banquet. It was so yummy. I was so glad my taste buds were doing good by then. After eating, we headed over to the chapel for the concert. It was a very eclectic program that included the orchestra, handbell choir, dancers and of course the choirs. There must've been 350 people singing. It was awesome. Heidi looked like an angel singing! I'm her mom, so I can say things like that. The whole evening was just perfect and certainly memorable. What a way to begin the Christmas season. I was really tired after that, but it was worth it.
    We continue to be blessed beyond measure by very generous people. The teachers at school got together and made us a whole bunch of cookies. My principal brought them over last night. Wow! Every one I've tried is just delicious. They are even going to get me all of the recipes so I can make more. I was just trying to figure out how to get some cookies done this year because my energy is so limited. Then, again, our needs (or wants in this case) were provided for us. They are such a special group of people that are close to my heart. 
    I hope that as you bustle around during this busy time of year that you can still stay focused on the really important things like faith and family. All else seems to pale in comparison to what is really dear to us. If you are reading this, you are probably a friend and loved one of ours. We are so appreciative your continued support and prayers. Have a blessed Christmas season.
    .
    ]]> tag:live4him.jeanwensink.com,2007-11-18:719b8d7d-8533-4df7-a1ff-17b27f3a15d1 Jean Wensink 2007-11-18T21:33:30Z 2007-11-18T21:17:00Z      I had a great week before last (Nov. 5-12). My mom and dad were here and we had fun just getting caught up on news and doing "show and tell" with our projects. Steph was in the high school play and did a marvelous job as one of the villains. They did the show"Anything Goes" and she was Bonnie. I went to every performance and had a blast. Two of my college roomies came with their husbands to enjoy the show too. We had a party at the house the last night and just enjoyed being surrounded by family and friends. This past week we got down to the business of knocking the socks off cancer.
    On Tuesday I had a LOT of stuff put in me. I'm doing my usual Taxol, but a big dose for the whole month. I also began my new drug Avastin. It's experimental for ovarian cancer yet, but my insurance is covering it. It works in a different way. It cuts off the blood supply to the tumors, so we are very hopeful about it. I also needed a Neulast shot for my white counts, a Procrit shot for my red counts, and a flu shot just to keep me healthy : ). Needless to say I had a very rough week. Today, Sunday, I still have bad body aches and am very tired. It is hard to do even the smallest tasks. I'm nost sure if I will opt for a higher dose of Taxol again. Maybe it's better just to get smaller doses and not be totally out of it. We'll have to see. 
    I'm reading Deanna Favre's book about her battle with breast cancer. So far, I can really relate to it. she and I were diagnosed at about the same time- 3 years ago in October. She really has a very open, honest look at being in the spotlight. She is a strong, Christian woman and such a role model for all of us. If you have a chance to pick it up- I'd recommend it. Even if you don't have cancer, she has inspiration for everyone. Some of the lessons we learn through cancer should be learned without having to go through cancer. After last week, I sure do treasure the times when I don't hurt, or when food tastes good, or even when I am strong enough to get groceries. We all need to be mindful of all our blessings, great and small.
     I hope all of you have a blessed Thanksgiving. We have so much to be thankful for. Most of all, for our Christian faith and the freedom to express it. I'm so thankful that I'm a child of the risen King. He is all we'll ever need or want. I'm so thankful to be celebrating another Thanksgiving with family and loved ones. Cherish every moment. ]]> tag:live4him.jeanwensink.com,2007-10-31:15c59350-3bf9-464b-8bd5-42ed525da0a8 Jean Wensink 2007-10-31T13:27:42Z 2007-10-31T13:15:00Z     Yesterday I did Chemo #3 for this round which means that I'm done for two weeks. I'm on vacation!! Everything with chemo is going smoothly. My body seems to be pretty predictable, which is comforting to me. Today I feel good in the morning, then as the day goes on, will feel worse. Tomorrow will probably be my worst day, thenFriday gets a little better. It makes it easier for me to plan (many of you know that I'm a "planner") my week when I know what to expect. It also makes it easier to get past the yuckies when you know that things will get better. I may be lactose intolerant, so I am eliminating dairy products this week to see if it eases my symptoms. I won't gross you out with my symptoms, but just know that it will be a relief to get to the "bottom" of it.
    My mom and dad are flying up here on Friday. My brother, Jon, is picking them up from the airport. It is pretty much the first time my dad has flown and I haven't seen him in almost 1 1/2 years, so I am really excited to have them come. They are staying at the Sleep Inn, so that will be easier for me. I hope things go smoothly while they're here. Steph's play is next week while they're here and Paul, Em & girls are coming also. It should be great fun to have everyone here. I'm so glad I have off chemo next week so I can enjoy things. I'll still get tired, but at least I can take everything in. I got a Procrit shot today to give me a little more energy too.
     I'm reading the new Max Lucado book 3:16. It's all about the John 3:16 verse. As always Max always brings things down to such a human, practical level. I love his style. I'm also working on gathering ideas for Christmas. I'm going to be writing the Christmas Eve service. What a great project to work on!
   Many of you are prayer warriors, so please remember my family and safe traveling mercies in your prayers. As always I need patience to persevere my treatments and faith to know that God's will is at work. Thanks for all you do for me, Rog, and the girls. We can feel the love and prayers of so many. ]]> tag:live4him.jeanwensink.com,2007-10-20:be15961f-2d55-4b59-b054-3052d3d7fc95 Jean Wensink 2007-10-20T15:06:52Z 2007-10-20T14:36:00Z      This week was a turning point for us. I got the CT scan results with good news and bad news. The good news is that the tumors are stable. That means that they're not growing. That's awesome because we know that the chemo is working. It is an answer to prayer, that's for sure. I'll bet you're wondering, "Well what could the bad news be about that?" Since the chemo is working and making the tumor stable, I will need to be on chemo indefinitely. If I go off of it, then the tumors will grow again along with whatever other cancer cells are around in my body. These two larger tumors are sort of our barometer for my system. If they are stable, then the other cells probably are also. Ovarian cancer is sort of like a blanket that coats my abdominal area. I just have two big lumps in that blanket. 
       Many people have asked me why I don't go to Milwaukee, or elsewhere. I already have a Dr. in Milwaukee, an GYN/Oncologist, and I saw him this week also. He checks things over and confers with Dr. Bettag. But I can get my chemos and bloodwork close to home. I have a Dr. who is a solid Christian and prays for his patients. I feel that between Dr. Bettag and the Lord, I have the best physicians on earth and in heaven. After all, we can do everything on earth to become healed, but it is ultimately up to the Lord. As long as I keep waking up each and every day, He has a purpose for me. I appreciate all the prayers that so many of you have offered up. The Lord continues to provide for all of our needs each and every day. We are so blessed to have friends and family that stand by us through these difficult times. 
    On a lighter note, Heidi is home for a long weekend. It is great to see her again. Already, I can see her changing and maturing. She is doing well in her classes and just loves the whole college scene.  Steph continues to be really busy with the play, "Anything Goes". She came home with costumes today, so I'll have some work to do altering them to fit. She is one of the leads- the fun-loving, blond, Bonnie that sings loud and tap dances. It's a perfect part for Steph. My writing continues to keep me busy. I always have a job going and it's fun. The day goes much faster when I have something to work on in the afternoons. I love "going to work" in my slippers and sweatpants!
    Thanks for reading this blog and keeping tabs on me. Sometimes it's hard to talk about it all the time. but, if I write it once for more people it helps. Please continue to pray for Rog, the girls and myself as we persevere through treatments.      ]]> tag:live4him.jeanwensink.com,2007-10-03:b903fc71-2478-4f16-b3bb-13513dc3381c Jean Wensink 2007-10-03T13:30:53Z 2007-10-03T13:17:00Z     I had round three of three yesterday. My blessing of the week is that I didn't have to take steroids before my chemo because Im not having any adverse reactions. What a difference it has made. I don't have as much of a yucky taste in my mouth and I can actuallyeat better. Even diet Pepsi, my drink of choice, tastes good. I stil get some steroids long with chemo in my IV, but I don't have to take the pills. My blood counts contine to be stable which is a huge blessing. That means no shots, my bone marrow is healthy and keeping up, and one less tired factor. So, overall, I am doing great. I am tired a lot, but not sleepy, just worn out. We can sure live with that if all else is going good. Next week Friday I have a CT scan to see how this drug, Taxol, is working. If the tumors are shrinking, then we keep going. If they are still growing, then we switch to another drug, probably Topotecan. I am on "vacation" for a week - yippee. 
   Life continues to be busy as usual. Steph broke her wrist this week at play practice. She was tap dancing, slipped and fell, and caught herself with her hand, breaking her wrist. It is fairly minor, so she just has a brace for now. She goes back in in 2 weeks for a check-up just to make sure it's healing all right. 
   Heidi is loving college. She is taking some tough courses and isn't used to studying so much. But, she has met some great kids and is having a great time. She has changed her major from just biology to biochemistry. Biochem will require bio, chem, math and physics, so she feels it will prepare her better for med school. She is taking chemistry now and she really likes it. I know that wouldn't be for me, but more power to her. She is coming home for the play in November, so it will be great to see her again. We really miss her, but are so happy that she has adjusted to college life. 
   That's all the news for now. I continue to write every day. I just finished editing a Christian book and am now working on a series of lesson plans. I always seem to have a project of some sort going. It's nice to have something else to focus on.  
   Thanks for reading this and keeping up with how the Wensinks are fairing. We appreciate all of the kindnesses, prayers, cards, calls, meals, and so many things that people do for us. It helps so much to know that people care about us and are supporting us during this diffcult part of life. Thanks you so much for all you do. ]]> tag:live4him.jeanwensink.com,2007-09-25:77f9f93d-6cc1-44b9-b360-466d1e161171 Jean Wensink 2007-09-25T06:24:39Z 2007-09-25T06:06:00Z      I'm heading into chemo 2 of round 2. Today I have my second chemo treatment out of a round of 3. In two weeks I get another CT scan to see if this chemo drug- Taxol is working. If it is we keep on going. If it isn't then we switch to something new, probably Topotecan. I am losing a lot of my hair, so yesterday I got a cute, short haircut. It looks pretty nice and looks like just a normal short "do". It will be so much easier without having longer hair all over the place. I was hoping that just the gray ones would fall out, but I guess that would leave me pretty bald anyway. : )
     It is always hard to go back in for another treatment. You'd think I would get used to it by now, but I'm not. Each week I go through the same side effects on the same days, so I know what to expect. That does make it easier to deal with, but I just get tired of it. I feel like we are doing a marathon and not just a sprint. It seems like cancer will be part of my life for a long time, probably forever. Yet, through it all, the Lord has blessed me with encouragement is many ways.
     I have been copyediting a Christian book on the steps of spiritual growth. It has been a great project to work on. Not only am I using my time productively, but I am also helping an author reach others in their walk with the Lord. I know that the Lord is placing just the right people in my path at just the right time. My writing continues to prosper and grow, giving me a sense of purpose and focus.
    Just this morning I checked my e-mail I received my usual note from Sheila Walsh. She has a way of sending just the right message to me at just the right time. I guess we know that God's timing is always perfect. Her words were a great reminder for me. I hope you can gain some encouragement from it as well. Here is the scripture that she quoted from the letter that Paul wrote to the church in Corinth:

 2 Corinthians 4:8-10 , 16-18 NCV]]> tag:live4him.jeanwensink.com,2007-09-14:19c5a203-141a-4b58-9e1a-2e1c88cdbfc5 Jean Wensink 2007-09-14T11:27:58Z 2007-09-14T11:06:00Z    This is my week off from chemo and I am loving it. I feel like I'm on vacation. I have a little more energy and feel pretty good. I am even drinking coffee this week because my taste buds seem to be back to normal. I haven't had coffee in about a month. Can you believe it? My hair is thinning this week, but I haven't had to get a GI Jean cut yet. I'm just going to wait it out this time. There is a chance I could still keep my hair even if it just gets thinner. Rog says "So who wants fat hair anyway!". I guess there's humor in nearly everything.
    There have been times lately when I have been discouraged and just plain sick of being sick. I have been dealing with chemo for so long. It was about a year ago that I had my second surgery and began chemo. Then came the third recurrence in June already, so soon after finishing chemo in March. Chemo has been pretty constant for the past year. I can tell my body is weak, but still fighting. My blood counts continue to be good, which means that my bone marrow is still keeping up with making all of the white, red and platelet cells. That is a huge blessing. I've been able to be out and about without too much worry. I'm also still able to eat fresh fruits and veggies, a real plus at this time of year. 
   I am reading a terrific book entitled Heaven is Real.  It is written by Don Piper and Cecil Murphy. They also wrote 90 Minutes in Heaven. It has been so refreshing to be reminded that God works through us and through our trials. I have been struggling to see God's  purpose in all of this cancer stuff. But, somehow I know that He will use it for His glory. I may never know the reason for it, but can rest assured that His hand is in it. No matter what the outcome of all this treatment is, I know that He is by my side through it all. As Pastor Luke said last week, "Not a hair can fall from our heads without the Lord knowing about it." Now, as my hair is thinning, I can really relate to that statement. As each hair falls, and that's a lot lately, I can be reminded that He is with me. How wonderful that is! ]]> tag:live4him.jeanwensink.com,2007-09-04:d6b9ba1d-3971-4b00-8e60-87adadc9a1c8 Jean Wensink 2007-09-04T11:23:59Z 2007-09-04T10:59:00Z as a full time cancer patient. So, I was true to my job description and did what was best for beating the cancer and did treatment. We had a great time in MN getting Heidi settled in. We broke up the trip and stayed in Mankato for 1 night and then spent a night with Rog's brother in Eau Claire on the way home. I got very tired, but did all right.
     Today I go back to work again and get chemo #3 for this first cycle. I get chemo now 3 weeks in a row, on Tuesdays, and then I get one week off. Next week is my week off from "work". Other complications have begun to snowball. My blood sugar counts for my diabetes have been high because the steroids I have to be on don't do well with the diabetes medication. So, I have to keep a closer eye on my sugars. Last night I got to reduce my steroids because I haven't had a reaction to chemo, and I can cut back. That is great because the steroids give me a rotten taste in my mouth and it is hard to eat and drink. I will see this week if I lose my hair. There is a good chance I won't because my chemos are divided into 3 doses instead of 1 big blast. Time will tell. I like having hair, but losing it isn't the worst thing that can happen either. My blood counts continue to be stable, which is really good. I get labs done today, so we'll see if that is still the case. Of all the side effects, the blood counts is probably the most worrisome, so I am very fortunate so far.
     All right, so that is it for the update on my job. I hope yours is going well. Work really is a gift. We often don't realize it when we're struggling with schedules and overload. We all have a purpose under heaven. I am struggling with what my purpose is in all of this, but for now I will do my job as best I can. So, today, no matter what your job is just be thankful for work and the ability to perform your daily work, no matter what that is.

]]> tag:live4him.jeanwensink.com,2007-07-15:43dd82db-4a7a-41f5-a07d-a053f723c739 Jean Wensink 2007-07-15T17:53:00Z 2007-07-15T17:53:00Z      I just spent 5 days at Lifest with over twenty teens. Yes, I admit, we are crazy.  It was great fun, but I am tired. We helped with the planning, cooking and camping for the kids. We had a terrific time. We saw a lot of concerts including Newsboys, Building 429, Bebo Norman, Third Day, Jars of Clay, Casting Crowns, and lots of others. Building 429 was singing a song about God's creation and the most beautiful, bright rainbow came out. You could see the entire half circle and a faint double rainbow even appeared. Then just a few drops of rain fell even though no clouds were immediately overhead. It seemed like God just wanted to remind us of His promises, to never leave us nor forsake us. Over the entire weekend I was reminded over and over again of God's amazing love and grace. Even though I am going through a tough time right now, I will not go it alone. There is no greater comfort than that.
]]> tag:live4him.jeanwensink.com,2007-06-22:6c8f4127-b1cb-46b7-8227-acece7863c66 Jean Wensink 2007-06-22T14:27:00Z 2007-06-22T14:27:00Z     I had a big salad today and my in-laws picked me a big pail of fresh strawberries. Once I begin chemo I shouldn't have any fruits and vegetables that aren't peeled or cooked in order to prevent some types of bacteris from entering my system. I won't have the normal immune system to fight off normal stuff like that. So, I'm going to pig out on fresh stuff until Tuesday! I stopped in at school to check about my job status. I just don't know what's going to happen. If I do get past this cancer thing I would love to go back to teaching. The cancer has taken so much of who I am already, that I hate to give up teaching too. Yet, it is also unfair to have them hanging in the balance too. I already know that I won't be able to teach for the 07-08 school year because this chemo lasts for 6 months. As I build up my strength after that, I can always volunteer to read with kids or work in the library.
    It is so hard to think about giving up my job and career that I love and have felt called to do. I have felt for a long time that God has called me to teach to young kids.I just don't understand His ways. Last week Sun the sermon was about following God's wil. I really thought I was by teaching in the public schools and trying to instill Christian values in these young lambs. Apparently the Lord has other plans for my life and His kingdom. Sometimes having faith in His ways and His timing is very difficult. "When we walk with the Lord In the light of His Word, What a glory He sheds on our way! While we do His good will He abides with us still, And with all who will trust and obey.Trust and obey, for there's no other way, to be happy in Jesus, than to trust and obey."( Trust and Obey by John H. Sammis)

]]> tag:live4him.jeanwensink.com,2007-06-17:1caabe79-5ffd-47d4-81b1-11283dd00783 Jean Wensink 2007-06-17T11:05:00Z 2007-06-17T11:05:00Z     Last week I was having some pain in my abdomen area. Like a good patient, I went in to my regular Dr. to get it checked out. She ordered a CT scan, since I hadn't had one since March. I had the scan on Thurs. and got the results back on Friday. I had a regular 3 month appointment with my oncologist and he gave me the results of the scan. There is a tumor in my abdomen that is pushing on things, and that is causing my pain. There are also two spots on my liver. I am having a biopsy tomorrow on my liver to determine if we are still dealing with ovarian cancer or if it is a new primary cancer like liver cancer. Either way I start chemotherapy again a week from Monday. The results of the biopsy will determine what kind of chemo drugs they give me. So, again I will be a chemo patient. I guess practice makes perfect, but I don't really want to be perfect at chemo.
    In all of the turmoil we were in shock and didn't know how to tell the kids yet again. We knew we couldn't hide it, so we just came out with it. Cried together, hugged, and then went on. We had Heidi's graduation party yesterday so we had some celebrating to do. We focused on her, celebrating her accomplishments, and enjoyed the day. Each day is truly a gift from God and it is up to us to use it for His purposes. "This is the day the Lord has made. let us rejoice and be glad in it." Every day is the Lord's day, whether we are sick or healthy. I am thankful for the pain so that I went to see the Dr. and a scan was done. Without the pain and the CT scan, the liver spots may have gone undetected. So, even in pain there can be good.
    I will continue to blog about my cancer. Thank you for allowing me to heal with my words. Writing is my outlet. Thanks for letting me share it with you.

]]> tag:live4him.jeanwensink.com,2007-05-04:810bac41-0020-46b4-99cc-8d1c305b8292 Jean Wensink 2007-05-04T13:50:00Z 2007-05-04T13:50:00Z     The biggest obstacle I face now is the fatigue. I get so tired out so fast. I want to get things done, like yard work and spring cleaning, yet I  can only handle a little at a time. So, I just do what I can. The rest of my time has been spent writing. I have been working on a big project for an educational publisher writing K-2 language arts activities. It has been keeping me very busy. I have also tried to write some regular articles to submit. I am trying to devote some time each afternoon to writing. By afternoon I am ready for a break and rest for a while anyway. I am so thankful to be done feelingy yucky. I can certainly handle being tired. That's it for now. It's a blessing to not have so much cancer news at this time.

]]> tag:live4him.jeanwensink.com,2007-04-21:daf102e0-5a02-49d1-a128-2b7b9bbc212d Jean Wensink 2007-04-21T21:29:00Z 2007-04-21T21:29:00Z      I have been wrestling with how to rebuild my life again. Part of me wants to just jump into life again with both feet. However, I don't have the energy to do the things I used to do. That is frustrating sometimes. We have to work on establishing a new normal. I don't want to give things up because then the cancer takes even more from me. So, I have to save energy to do things that are meaningful to me and let other things go. I have also experienced some fear now that I'm not in treatment any more. I know that sounds odd, but as long as I was fighting, cancer couldn't get me. Now, I know it could come back at any time in any place. However, I know that I can't live in fear and worry. What kind of a life would that be? I need to make sure that I just live for each day and not worry about tomorrow. That is easier said than done, but I'm sure going to make that my goal.
    We just watched the video of Charlotte's Web. It was a wonderful, feel-good movie. The ending song is entitled "Ordinary Miracles". The theme is to take notice of all of the miracles around us such as the sunrises, sunsets, shooting stars, and all of the miracles every day. Just the fact that I am alive and doing well is my own personal miracle. I'm sure most people can also think of things in their own lives that are miracles. We can thank our God for the miracles all around us every day, big and small and celebrate them. As the song states,  "Isn't it remarkable like every time a raindrop falls, it's just another ordinary miracle today."

]]> tag:live4him.jeanwensink.com,2007-04-05:5216d6d0-a3bc-4369-beb1-c3aaa3a74824 Jean Wensink 2007-04-05T15:02:00Z 2007-04-05T15:02:00Z I am still very tired and won't be going back to school this year. But it feels so good to be done with the worst of times.
     As we begin this Easter weekend we have so much to be thankful for. The most important is the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Without Him we would all be lost. Going through chemo is nothing compared to the suffering that Christ went through on our behalf. This is truly a sinful world filled with violence, suffering and disease. But because of our risen Savior we can spend the rest of eternity free from all of that. What a miracle!
    I hope that all who read this will have a blessed Easter filled with the hope that only our resurrected Savior can give us.

]]> tag:live4him.jeanwensink.com,2007-03-20:359ed8b0-97de-47c1-890b-80fe974efa68 Jean Wensink 2007-03-20T21:11:00Z 2007-03-20T21:11:00Z     Even though I am so relieved to be done with chemo, the end is also scary. I always feel that as long as I'm doing chemo, I'm fighting this cancer. Now, I just wait and see how long I can stay in remission. It can come back at any time in any place and the uncertainty of that is a bit unnerving. Again, it's a lesson in faith. Life is truly out of our control. We just need faith that God will get us through whatever life dishes out to us. Our lives are truly in His hands. I like to have control over things, but my life is no longer in my control. I can only control how I live the life I am given. For now, I just want to gain back my strength so that I can live life to the fullest, one day at a time.
   

]]> tag:live4him.jeanwensink.com,2007-03-01:935b8b4f-42a9-41c1-8ede-90e9c637fad5 Jean Wensink 2007-03-01T09:54:00Z 2007-03-01T09:54:00Z      I will begin my 6th and last treatment on Monday. I have such mixed feelings about it. I am SO glad to be nearing the end of chemo. But, at the same time, the old feelings of fear are creeping in again. Once I'm done I have to deal with the uncertainty of when and where the cancer will return. Just when I learned not to worry so much and just live life, the cancer came back. I have to learn all over again how to live with the uncertainty of the future. That is so hard for me. I like to have things planned and structured. Rog is much more spontaneous, so I need to take some lessons from him. I know all things are in God's hands, including my future. I just need to trust Him and know that He will take care of all my needs.
]]> tag:live4him.jeanwensink.com,2007-01-28:04e031f9-db6c-4e15-95c5-cffc4073dadf Jean Wensink 2007-01-28T21:33:00Z 2007-01-28T21:33:00Z     The sermon this morning really hit me in the heart. Our pastor is doing a series on the Lord's prayer and today's was on "Give us today our daily bread". The main point was to not worry. God will take care of all of our needs. If he can take care of the sparrows and the flowers, then surely He will take care of me. Tomorrow will take care of itself. I had heard the point many times before. I know that God will take care of me, it just was good to hear it again. All through this cancer journey my needs have been met, whether they have been physical needs, emotional, or spiritual needs, someone has helped me through it. The outpouring of care still flows after all of these months. There are so many people willing to be used by God to minister to others. I just hope that I can do the same for people when I am well again. For now, I will try not to worry, and to just let God take care of me. I know that if I put my trust in Him, I will have everything I need.

]]> tag:live4him.jeanwensink.com,2007-01-12:7e7ac269-af54-4ef0-aad2-5aba5244ab96 Jean Wensink 2007-01-12T11:45:00Z 2007-01-12T11:45:00Z     Last weekend, before I had chemo on Mon., Heidi and I spent Saturday shopping at the new Bayshore mall. We had just a great day. We shopped, went out for lunch, got special coffees, and browsed in Barnes and Noble. It was a day I will treasure for a long time. I found a book that was just what I needed. A devotional by Don Piper and Cecil Murphy just hit the market. It's a companion book for 90 Minutes in Heaven. I know Cecil through e-mail, and he has mentioned me in his devotional. It was quite a pick me up to see it there. The devotional is aimed toward people that are healing or hurting, so it really speaks to me at this time. God sure takes care of us.
    I'm also reading a book called Everybody's Normal Until You Get to Know Them. The theme of the book is community and how nobody's perfect. The author, Jon Ortberg, gives an illustration about the paralytic in the Bible who was lowered down through the roof so he could be healed. That man sure had great friends to carry his mat for him and take him to where Jesus was. As I read that passage, I was reminded of all of the wonderful people in my life that have helped me carry my mat of cancer. There are people who send encouragement through cards, e-mails, and prepare food for us, give me rides to the clinic, and give the kids rides when they need them. It seems that just when I need it most, someone is there to help. What a wonderful gift  friendship is! 

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